Week 6 Achievements
Keep Calm and Win: D.C. Whitefish; Waddle; 29 pts
Thursday Night Thriller: Vinegar Strokes; Smith/Brown; 29 pts
Sunday Night Stud: Vinegar Strokes; Boswell/Harris; 37 pts
Mr. Monday Night: D.C. Whitefish; Allen/Henry; 71 pts
Team of the Week: D.C. Whitefish; 184 pts
Employee of the Week: Derrick Henry; 37 pts
Dynamic Duo: Derrick Henry and CeeDee Lamb; 73 pts
Stud Finder: Matt Prater, Takada; Wentz, Ebola!
Rivals: D.C. Whitefish d. Takada Monster Army; Nash Kato def. Ebola
Crush Your Enemies: D.C. Whitefish; 104 pts
“If you want to crown their asses, then crown’em!” – Dennis Green
I want to personally apologize to GM Sam B. and the D.C. Whitefish for accidentally moving them down the power rankings for one week after their loss. It was a mistake and I would appreciate it if you stop blowing out teams by more the 100-points. Holy hell, what was that?
A week after Nash Kato put up 183 points for the fifth-highest score in 19 years, the Whitefish did them one point better, tying them for the fourth-highest score of all-time. Not only that, but they defeated rival, Takada Monster Army 184-80, in a series where Takada has bested the Whitefish 9 out of 16 times. The Whitefish also had the three top-scoring players of the week! ALL THREE!?! This game is one of those that will be enshrined in the USAFL as an all-time ass-whooping, Stone Cold style. The Whitefish cleaned up on achievements this week, taking an unprecedented seven awards, thanks to the outstanding play of Josh Allen, Derrick Henry, CeeDee Lamb, and Jaylen Waddle who combined for 136 points alone. Lamb’s performance was second in the top-three group between Josh Allen and Derrick Henry, arguably the best QB and RB in the league. Josh Allen’s performance was 9.4 points higher than the QB average for the week.
After Ebola’s 3-0 start things were looking bright, but after their third loss in a row, GM Dave W. has to be rethinking their strategy to make up for the injury plague that has infected Ebola. Despite being shorthanded, Ebola still broke the century mark which appears to be the new medium line for being competitive or not in the full PPR era. Carson Wentz may not be Russell Wilson, but he’s extremely serviceable given the choices. Nash Kato’s 113-103 win over Ebola! was a much-needed victory to keep Nash Kato alive in the race to U.S. Title, that Yankee Zulu has clearly broken out into an impressive lead. GM Kevin G. relied heavily on the Colt’s DST and RB Jon Taylor who both scored nearly double their pregame projections. Destiny is a cruel bitch and Ebola’s destiny puts them square in front of the bullet train that left the U.S. Capitol and is headed straight for the playoffs. Nash Kato, on the other hand, will have to contend with a contender who looks better on paper than their record demonstrates.
Deer Antler Addicts are the Jekyll and Hyde of the league. One week it’s 147, the next week 64, followed by a 136-point performance. At 3-3, this team is better than the record shows and if they can straighten out their feast or famine approach to offense, could creep up in the power rankings and give the other Premier Division teams a scare heading into the final weeks. This week it was the WR corps that carried the addicts to a 136-88 victory over the Koalas as all three top-20 receivers combined for 68 points. As for the Koala, when you have two of the best QBs in the league, it’s hard to pick wrong until you do. Although the extra points that Dak Prescott would have brought to the lineup wouldn’t have been enough to win, it certainly begs the question, what is the trade value for these QBs on the market? The #2 and #6 overall QBs can certainly bring a starting WR or RB into the lineup to help solidify the Queen of the Commonwealth into the playoffs. The Koalas could get a break this week as they host the dreadful Monster Army and the Addicts host the Hawk’s Bench.
The Ducks were on a roll until they flew right into the shotgun blast called World’s Finest Football Club. After defeating the best and worst teams in the league back-to-back, the Ducks gambled on Justin Herbert to have a shootout in Baltimore, and although that happens a lot in Baltimore, it was the typical street crime and not Herbert this week. The real killer was the terrible performance by the Broncos DST who netted the Ducks -1 point. Other than that, an optimal lineup would have brought the Ducks to within 10 of WFFC at 119. Like the Addicts, the Ducks 2-4 record is not reflective of how solid this team is and we can certainly expect more upsets along the way. World’s Finest had to deal with the absence of stud WR Deebo Samuel, but everyone except Chase Claypool pulled their weight as 75% of the Club’s lineup outperformed their projections. The Club meets Yankee Zulu next week in what could be a playoff preview as these are two of the hottest teams in the league right now. Meanwhile, the Ducks will meet the Penguins to determine the best waterfowl in the league.
The last two games this past week saw two absolute slugfests and Yankee Zulu outlasted the Vinegar Strokes 117-113 and Hawk’s Bench bounced back from last week’s travesty to upend the Holy Penguins 123-118. These are not the games the Pens can lose as they will eventually return to a competitive Premier League and they need these non-division wins. The Hawks can thank Kirk Cousins and Dalvin Cook for carrying the team. The Hawks had a tough choice in DST this week and they sadly picked wrong as the Ravens DST outscored the Bucs DST by 6 points. That difference would have given the Pens a 124-123 victory. Both teams are stuck at 2-4 and if they don’t start making some moves, they could be looking at playing each other in the Consolation Cup tournament this season. The 2-4 Pens will meet a scrappy 2-4 Ducks in a game to prove which team isn’t that bad, while the Hawks look to one-up the Addicts and claw their way out of the USAFL basement.
Yankee Zulu is good. Not scary good like the Whitefish, but this 5-1 team is chewing up teams and surviving tough games. This week all praise needs to go to Cooper Kupp whose 35 points singlehandedly won this game for the Zulus. On the other side of the fence, the Strokes’ stud RB Austin Eckler and Bills DST woefully underperformed this week only netting seven yards on six carries, while the Bills put up only 1-point. Meanwhile, Leonard Fournette boomed on the bench scoring 17-points higher than projected. Hopefully, that can happen again this week as Eckler will be sitting on a bye, while Fournette has a favorable matchup against the Bears. Yankee Zulu will share the spotlight next week with World’s Finest as the #2 and #3 teams will square off in a highly-anticipated showdown. Meanwhile, the Strokes will host Nash Kato in what could be another slugfest as these two teams appear evenly matched.
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